Alright, this post is probably waaaaaaaaaay overdue, but part of the reason for this post is also the reason why it hasn't happened yet - no one tells you exactly how hard it is going to be! That's right. For fear of labeling myself a 'bad mother' or 'not cut out for this' and all the other jazz us newbies believe to be true when we are honest (heaven forbid), there I said it - this is bloody hard! Yes, I know, I've been to graduate school (twice), been to Iraq (and Afghanistan mind you), and been on a solo short final - and this is, hands down the HARDEST thing I have ever done.
Thanks to the lovely folks at my favorite radio station in the US, National Public Radio (NPR) for highlighting this* - and also for questioning the reasons why no one ever admits that it is not all sunshine and roses. In their recent article "Parenthood Got You Down? You're not alone" they question this notion of new mothers feeling the need to project themselves as living in new-found infant-clad domestic bliss, simply loving her perfect baby (who, of course, reaches all her milestones way early). Well, BEE-ESS (to keep it family-friendly here).
Yes! it is wonderful when baby smiles at you and adds a new sound to the 'cooh' chorus. Yes! it is a great feeling when you walk around town and everyone tells you how cute and adorable your bub is, and no, they do not believe that all babies are this cute. But, and this is the kicker, it is also DAMN HARD WORK. Thank heavens we forget, or I suppose humanity would die out, and god bless our parents for also putting up with our sleepless nights and fussy spells. But for some reason, there is a taboo on talking about how hard it is. Don't get me wrong, I am not whining here, and I know, 'toughen up' right, 'you have so many more resources and knowledge than we did in our day' - fine, the Internet helps, but it doesn't get up at 2am to breastfeed, and it doesn't teach my baby how to self-soothe.
Fair enough, we (by that I mean the Marx-Serjak household) does not exactly make it easy on ourselves with traveling, moving and generally living in not-your-run-of-the-mill suburban sobriety, but that fact notwithstanding. If it's not kindergarten waiting lists that you have missed because you did not put Peanut's name on it in your sixth week of gestation, then it's the constant bombardment with whether you need to raise him in a bilingual home, with or without television, in a pram or kangaroo caring...I mean - jowzer, the kid can't even wipe his own bottom yet!
Okay, getting off point here. Yes, it is wonderful to have a baby, and yes, the smiles, coohs and laughs can melt your heart - but this is a good thing, because the sleepless nights, fears and frets over breastmilk supply, when to introduce solids, why is he not rolling, sudden fear of strangers, and the constant lack of time for yourself, can also melt your spirit.
So new moms unite. Admit, it's awesome, but its damn hard work. We know we'll survive (I mean, folks with way fewer parenting books than I seem to figure it out right?) but it is a constant battle of insecurity, worry, indecisiveness, exhaustion, guilt, self-blame - and that's just before 9am.
Today I salute all the dozens of new moms (both my friends who have been indescribably supportive) and those I don't know who read this blog for lack of anything better to do. I know you are amazing, strong, resilient. And yes, I know what you are going through.
There, I said it.
* (h/t Rachel for posting on FB)
Thanks to the lovely folks at my favorite radio station in the US, National Public Radio (NPR) for highlighting this* - and also for questioning the reasons why no one ever admits that it is not all sunshine and roses. In their recent article "Parenthood Got You Down? You're not alone" they question this notion of new mothers feeling the need to project themselves as living in new-found infant-clad domestic bliss, simply loving her perfect baby (who, of course, reaches all her milestones way early). Well, BEE-ESS (to keep it family-friendly here).
Yes! it is wonderful when baby smiles at you and adds a new sound to the 'cooh' chorus. Yes! it is a great feeling when you walk around town and everyone tells you how cute and adorable your bub is, and no, they do not believe that all babies are this cute. But, and this is the kicker, it is also DAMN HARD WORK. Thank heavens we forget, or I suppose humanity would die out, and god bless our parents for also putting up with our sleepless nights and fussy spells. But for some reason, there is a taboo on talking about how hard it is. Don't get me wrong, I am not whining here, and I know, 'toughen up' right, 'you have so many more resources and knowledge than we did in our day' - fine, the Internet helps, but it doesn't get up at 2am to breastfeed, and it doesn't teach my baby how to self-soothe.
Fair enough, we (by that I mean the Marx-Serjak household) does not exactly make it easy on ourselves with traveling, moving and generally living in not-your-run-of-the-mill suburban sobriety, but that fact notwithstanding. If it's not kindergarten waiting lists that you have missed because you did not put Peanut's name on it in your sixth week of gestation, then it's the constant bombardment with whether you need to raise him in a bilingual home, with or without television, in a pram or kangaroo caring...I mean - jowzer, the kid can't even wipe his own bottom yet!
Okay, getting off point here. Yes, it is wonderful to have a baby, and yes, the smiles, coohs and laughs can melt your heart - but this is a good thing, because the sleepless nights, fears and frets over breastmilk supply, when to introduce solids, why is he not rolling, sudden fear of strangers, and the constant lack of time for yourself, can also melt your spirit.
So new moms unite. Admit, it's awesome, but its damn hard work. We know we'll survive (I mean, folks with way fewer parenting books than I seem to figure it out right?) but it is a constant battle of insecurity, worry, indecisiveness, exhaustion, guilt, self-blame - and that's just before 9am.
Today I salute all the dozens of new moms (both my friends who have been indescribably supportive) and those I don't know who read this blog for lack of anything better to do. I know you are amazing, strong, resilient. And yes, I know what you are going through.
There, I said it.
* (h/t Rachel for posting on FB)
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