Books: What every new parent wants to know...

...how to <calm/properly develop/soothe/please> my newborn...

Alas, despite some much-more maternally-inclined parents out there than I, I doubt that there is a single mother (or father) for whom this new daunting experience comes completely naturally or pain-free.  As such, yes, I constantly find myself perusing Amazon.com and the local bookstores for assistance in the literary form.  While some books are clearly better than others, here are a few I have found useful to date.

1. Preemies (2nd Edition): The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies by: Linden et al- This blog was never intended to give others advice but this one is seriously required - every parent of a premature baby should read this.  That is, unless of course you know what ROP, SBR, SRBs, inguinal, PU, BO and an incalculable number of other acronyms stand for - then sure, don't read it.  For the rest of us, order it, steal it, borrow it or beg for it if you have to, this book was truly a savior for us in Darwin and have since been a useful tool to friends of preemies as well.  Well written, informative, and easy to understand this daunting 656 page treatise of premature babies is compiled in a manner such that you only read the parts which pertains to you at any particular time.  Don't have twins - skip that section; never needed oxygen - move right along...but should you suddenly require unexpected surgery (insert throat clearing here), the section on What if my baby requires surgery - puts your mind at ease by explaining that a hernia surgery is the most common surgery performed on premature babies (insert sigh).
2.  The Happiest Baby on the Block: The new way to calm crying and help your newborn sleep longer  by: Dr. Harvey Karp (UCLA) - the purveyor of the notion of a calming reflex in babies - Dr. Karp will show you how to calm your colicy/screaming/generally unhappy baby in 5 easy steps.  As explained in this
older post, Dr. Karp believes that a human newborn is cheated out of a fourth trimester, and therefore needs his parents to imitate a womb-like environment to soothe them properly.  Easy to read, perhaps with a bit too much repetition between some of the chapters, though I get the point why, this book will teach you useful and necessary skills in soothing and calming even the most irate baby.  By carefully implementing the 5S's (swaddle, side/stomach, shhhhh'ing, swaying and sucking), or a combination thereof necessary for your own baby, you will soon have the tools to quiet even the loudest cries, and impress your family while doing so! (If you can, he has a video that shows you exactly how it is done - the term 'baby whisperer' does come to mind...) You can visit this Pediatrician to the stars online here
3.  Baby Love: Everything you need to know about your baby's first year by: Robin Barker  Australian nurse/mid-wife gives it to you straight.  This easy-to read, useful reference covers basics from pooing to burping (incidentally she believes there is way too much emphasis placed on the latter).  Use this to calm those frail nerves when your bub does not poo for a week (if you're breastfeeding - trust me, it is bound to happen)
4.  Baby Sense:  Understanding your baby's sensory world - the key to a contented child by: Megan Faure & Ann Richardson.  This most recent addition to my baby-library is a much thinner, and therefore quicker read and provides some very valuable insight into the need to control the sensory inputs for young infants.  If nothing else, it helped me understand the importance of enough sleep during the day for a newborn, if there is to be any hope of a good nights' rest.  The nurse/midwife and occupational therapist authors both specialize in 'fussy' babies and provide valuable advice not only in calming a fussy baby (helped me move Luka to his own cot), but also useful hints on appropriate ways to stimulate your infant in age-appropriate ways.  The book is divided into sections (First two weeks, 2-6 weeks, 6-12 weeks, and so on) with practical advice on how to stimulate vision, hearing, touch and other senses of your growing baby.  While I disagreed with a few of their suggestions (like stretching out feed times by giving a baby cooled boiled water), I found most of it very useful and enlightening and can recommend it for a new mom looking to understand the terms 'over-tired' and 'over-stimulated' as well as looking for tips on how to stimulate your bun's growing little brain.

More to come soon...off for a walk...

My essential childbirth reading list...

Many of my expecting friends who know about my penchant for thoroughly researching everything I attempt have asked me for a reading list of books I found useful during my pregnancy, and particularly with the birthing process, I have been meaning to share this much sooner - but alas, everything going on kept me from posting this until now, I hope that it will at least be somewhat helpful to some of you.

Disclaimer - Chris and I decided early on that we wanted a very particular kind of birthing experience and subsequently focused our research on preparing for that particular experience. In no way do I imply that one way is better than another, rather I believe and hope that every woman should have the birthing experience that she wants.

Our approach...
Around the seventeenth week in the pregnancy, Chris and I finally came to terms with the whole idea that we were in fact pregnant.  I had obviously read some of the required pregnancy reading, none of which I found immensely interesting or useful, most of which I did not finish.  Instead, around this time in the pregnancy, I realized that these 'required readings'  spent way too much time on the pregnancy part, and not nearly enough time on the actual birthing process, except it seemed to discuss all that could go wrong.  This intrigued me, since it seemed that for a generally healthy, educated, non-smoking, logical person - that part kind of takes care of itself, and beyond the 'week-by-week' comparisons to beans and eventually fruits, there was little useful information you could not find with a quick Google search if you needed to. Instead, I started wondering about the decisions we make concerning the birth itself.

After my initial readings on pregnancy and childbirth I became fascinated with the negative connotation surrounding 'labor' and birth. Particularly what concerned me was the overwhelming fear associated with it.  Seemed to me that something that is so part of the natural life cycle, should not be as terrifying as the movies and other popular culture has made it out to be. Add to that the fact that the tight grip of private health care means that women were often not even given the option of a natural child birth, rather the whole process was being treated as some sort of medical intervention instead of the natural part of the life cycle that it is.  So I started reading and doing intense research on why and where this fear came from.  From there I re-focused my own research and preparation on reading texts I found presented childbirth in a positive light, as an intimate experience for mother, baby and birthing partner alike, instead of so many of the books that make it out to be some perverse and unnecessary act that would leave your beloved body forever altered and dignity in tatters. Through my readings I realized that what I was really after was a fear-free (note, not pain free)  'Active Birth' (one that allows the mother to move about freely, eat, use a birthing ball, shower, bath - whatever feels good - as opposed to a more medically-prescribed birth lying on the back on a hospital bed tied to monitors and other devices, watched by hordes of medical staff).

Further down the research process, I discovered HypnoBirthing by chance during an online search and after discussing my initial interest with Chris, I contacted the instructor in the Western Cape who came and did a home-class for Chris and I in January. I was admittedly skeptical, I mean Hypno-anything, we're yuppies not hippies for heavens' sake.  And if I was skeptical, imagine my logically-minded, scientifically-orientated beloved.  We decided to at least give it a go, and to see where it lead.  Without exaggeration, within the scope of 48-hours I had left my own fear of  'labor' behind in lieu of actually looking forward to the birthing process.  And yes, I can honestly say that it works.  I loved my birth and wished that I could do it again.  (More on this in the 'how it happened' installment to follow...)

So without further ado, books I found particularly useful during my preparation include:

1. Active Birth: A new approach to giving birth naturally  - Janet Balaskas  - If you are considering a natural birth, I suggest reading this book first. It is approachable, more up to date than some of the older texts, and presents many useful tips on how to approach the experience including preparation for, and what to expect during birth.  She shares helpful tips on practicalities such as positions and natural pain relief.  Mostly she discusses the reasons for, philosophy for going this route.  
2. Spiritual Midwifery - Ina May Gaskin - A classic must-read for a midwife-led natural childbirth.  It is a more dated text but critical to help us understand what a midwife is, and I particularly appreciated the personal accounts of child birth to get a sense of what you can expect, and how it can be done.  If you can read beyond some of the old colloquialisms like the constant use of 'lady' to refer to the women in the book, look beyond the fact that all those in the book did in fact live in homes that could move around, and stop giggling at the circa 1970s hairstyles and fashion, then this book, even only in part, will open your eyes to the way in which childbirth can be a bonding experience for both mother and partner.   The book has some good photographs and other art to prepare you and your partner, and also a complete guide to DIY childbirth at the back, should you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having to do this yourself on that Memorial Day camping trip in your 34th week. 
3. HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method, A natural approach to a safe, easier, comfortable birthing - Marie Mongan - The book, along with the training workshops, will introduce you to the notion of using deep relaxation techniques during the birthing process.  But moreover, it presents childbirth in a positive, (dare I say, enjoyable) light, as something to look forward to, and prepare for, instead of fear, dread and wish away.  Perhaps the most important contribution of this approach is the importance of the birthing partner as an advocate, supporter and part of the process.  (I saw this first-hand in Chris' active participation in Luka's birth in Darwin).  The use of affirmations and visualization is of particular importance as a technique currently used by almost every professional athlete in their own preparation for a winning performance.  The book is accompanied by a CD that contains a deep-relaxation (meditation-type) track and one with birthing affirmations (which I listened to on my daily exercise walks and incidentally used during my entire birthing in March). Perhaps not for everybody, but if you truly want a natural, un-medicated birth and (dare I say) enjoy it, I highly recommend at least trying it.  I am sure you can read the book and listen to the disc, but we found the course immensely helpful in allaying many of our fears about childbirth.  I have pretty strong views and thoughts on how HypnoBirthing helped me during my unexpected pre-term labor with Luka who came ten-weeks early. If you are pregnant and would like to chat about it, I'd be happy to give you my two cents - just drop a comment and let me know.
4. The Mama Bamba Way: The Power and Pleasure of Natural Childbirth - Robyn Sheldon - This book by Cape Town midwife, this book is a more spiritual approach to the birthing process.  Drawing on both ancient traditions and with a heavy focus on women's innate wisdom and ability to accomplish a comfortable birth, this book also does wonders to allay the inherent fear factor surrounding child birth.  A tad on the spiritual side for me in the beginning (with Chakras and other things I am not that familiar with), but in the end a good read for the personal accounts and reaffirmations of the innate ability of a woman to birth the baby inside her (without unnecessary medical interventions).

Other books I had ordered and looked forward to reading during my final weeks of pregnancy, but never did because of Luka's pressing need to arrive in time for mothers' day include: 

1. The Birth Partner, Third Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions
2. The Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife

The books contained in this list helped me to accomplish the birth that I really wanted.  Again, this is not to say that this is the right way, or that my way is better, rather that this is the way that I wanted to, and was fortunate enough to, experience birth.  I wish every woman the right and privilege of birthing her baby the way in which she wants to, however that may be.  I only wish we were not so pre-programmed to be afraid of this wonderfully empowering experience. 

Day 8: Recalibrating milestones

One of the first things we have learned as parents of a preemie is that milestones in our lives are currently measured in milliliters, minutes and grams.  We are happy to report that Luka gained a whole 35grams (1.2oz), or four tablespoons of unsifted wholewheat flour, in weight between Sunday and Tuesday nights' weigh-in.  This puts him at 1,620g after his first series of losses that took him from 1,777g down to 1,585g.  Despite the fact that we are still at net loss as my dad pointed out, the important thing is that he has gained something, so hopefully this trend now continues.  His feeds are going well, though they are exhausting him.  He currently receives 30ml of fortified breastmilk (my expressed breastmilk with added calories, protein and calcium) every 3 hours.  The reason they fortify the milk is because apparently mothers have only a limited amount of 'pre-term milk' before it turns into 'term' milk, and the pre-term infant requires 'pre-term' milk for adequate growth and development.

The bigger feeds has Luka very satisfied, and it makes him too sleepy to breastfeed right now, which of course is disappointing to Susan since he was doing really well in the beginning when he was not fed as much as he thought he wanted - however we are assured that the first order of business is to get him fatter so that he can 'graduate' from the isolette to an open cot.  In order to do that however, he has to put on some weight, and be able to maintain his own body temperature.  The good news is that he is maintaining his temperature much better, his isolette has already been turned down from over 33C to 30.5C.

Luka's first infant massage, studies have shown the benefits
for growth and development, especially in pre-term infants

Today we also gave Luka his first infant massage.  As part of our ongoing research and reading on the matter of premature babies, we have often come across research showing the benefits of infant massage for growth and other development.  One comprehensive research study has shown that massaging a pre-term infant (even those weighing less than 1,500g) three times a day for 15minutes, increases weight gain by up to 50%.  While we are still researching the matter and will get a book on it as soon as we can find a bookstore in Darwin that sells more than BBQ and fishing books, our initial approach follows that which is outlined in Preemies: The Essential Guide to Parents of Premature Babies.  Don't worry, this is not exactly a deep-tissue massage we're talking about.  Starting off with the infant on his front with his legs tucked underneath, we apply a firm stroke from his head, over the neck and shoulders, all the way down to his tail for five minutes.  The child is then placed on his back and his limbs are 'flexed' for 10 seconds each alternating, finishing with five more minutes of stroking on the back.  The reason massage is so important, is because touch is the first sense to develop in a baby.  While the premature child cannot yet focus his eyes properly, and gets overstimulated very easily (i.e., by being held, stroked and spoken to simultaneously), touch is highly developed and the skin provides the larges surface area for targeted stimulation at this time. It is important not to 'stroke' lightly as premature babies cannot differentiate between pain and tickling.  Luka seemed to enjoy the massage yesterday, though we watch him very closely and obtained the permission from his doctors before attempting this.  They agreed that he was stable and that it certainly could not harm him.  Thanks also to my old high school friend from Pretoria, now living in Germany, for providing this research on the benefits of infant massage for preemies.

And in other news, as if an emergency evacuation was not enough excitement for our little man, it appears that there might be a cyclone looming off the coast of Darwin.  Fortunately for Luka, by the looks of it, he is currently in the only building that survived the 1974 cyclone that wiped Darwin off the map - the house we are staying in on the other hand, looks pretty new.