Dabbling in Dili

After nearly 36 hours of traveling we arrived in Dili yesterday afternoon just after 1400 local time.  Considering that the trip involved three continents, four countries, three connections, two new parents, a four-month old infant, a profoundly deaf grandmother, and over 160kg of checked luggage for a 60kg allowance on the last leg of our trip, I am happy to report all went splendidly.  I duplicated Luka's bathtime routine by bathing him in a nice over-sized bathroom sink in the business lounge at Cape Town International, followed by a nice feed and a sleep in Business Class on EK 771 to DXB.  Unfortunately, due to bad weather in Dubai our flight departed late and was stuck in an hour-long holding pattern outside Dubai before we could land, thirty minutes after our connection departed.  The ground staffer at the transit desk resisted bravely when I insisted that the flight the next day simply wouldn't do - and we soon secured seats on the next flight out.  Singapore was as uneventful as only an overly-efficient Asian city can be, with everything running like clockwork.  Fortunately for me the gate agent took great pity on me and allowed me an additional 50kg of baggage, charging me for only half of what I expected.

Upon landing in Dili Luka met with the harshness known as 'heat' - something he has had the pleasure of avoiding for the past six months, ever since the two days he spent outside the NICU in Darwin.  We came home to an overjoyed (and yes, slightly underfed kitty, turns out even Afghan refugee cats don't like to eat cat litter no matter whether it is mixed with wet food or not).

Thanks to my almost-as-efficient-as-Singapore-airport mom visiting, we managed to unpack about 90% of our stuff last night.  She spent the entire time arranging and re-arranging a room for Luka where he will be changed and cared for in the first weeks while he still sleeps in our room.  Thanks to our friends and fellow-new-parental-types Maarten and Annabella who brought delicious take-out, we did not have to go to bed hungry.

I must say, it was not without some emotion that I stood in the dressing room adjoining my bathroom unpacking, thinking about the last time I stood in that room.  It was March 21, a day before Chris' birthday.  I was 30 weeks pregnant with a as-of-yet unknown him/her, experiencing mild 'cramping' as I tried to imagine what makes sense to pack and to leave for whatever it was that I was leaving on a plane to Darwin for.  I remember looking at my clothes thinking "what do I pack, will I come back, will I be a mom next time I come back here..." - I guess the answer to that was yes, it would be on 29 September, the day before my own birthday, when I returned to the place where our story began.

Thanks to everyone in Dili who kept Gus alive, thanks for the lovely welcome chalk message on the pavement outside our house, and thank you for the caring messages, support and prayers.  It's good to be back.

My first stroller ride!

Weeeeeeee!!

Since Luka's parents are either too cheap (or scared of the 43 steps to their house) - Luka has had to do without a stroller for the first six months of his life while friends and cousins ride around in an array of Rolls Royce-like comfort.  Instead of the wheeled approach to transportation, Luka has been exclusively carried in a plethora of carrying devices including the popular Moby Wrap and an alternate to the Baby Bjorn called the Ergo Baby.

So it was a whole new experience for our little man when he was pushed in his first stroller ride while in transit in Dubai International airport in route to Timor-Leste.  Fortunately for him, what he didn't know yet - is there were two strollers (including one almost just like the Emirates stroller) also in route to Timor.

Luka, how we love thee - six months on

Luka the Legend today, six months on

We have come a long way from here - Luka at 4 weeks

Today, 22 September 2011, is Luka's six month birthday.  Yes, every cliche is true about how I can't imagine my life before him any longer (though a sleep-in on a Sunday every now and then won't hurt!), and how much he has changed my outlook on life (shopping for clothes has taken on a whole new race-like quality) and taught me patience and understanding (who doesn't love a shoulder full of regurgitated milk?).  Our path over the past half-a-year has led us (quite speedily) to Darwin, Australia; eventually (quite terrifyingly) around the world back home to Cape Town, South Africa; followed by a quick trip (quite jauntingly) to Oxford and Edinburgh in the UK;  and now finally (quite imminently) back to Dili, Timor-Leste in Asia.

Standing this morning over his preemie clothes we are packing away in anticipation of our move back to Dili, both Chris and I could not help but shed a tear at the sight of the outfit that we brought him home from hospital in.  The tiny 'onesie' with the monkey feet we were so fond of, now dwarfed in Chris' hand - it was hard to imagine that this outfit was way too big for him and required us rolling up the sleeves on his tiny body.

Today, Luka weighs (finally) over 6kg, that is more than three times his birth weight.  He is the happiest little boy with chubby cheeks and a feisty personality that will surely help him survive this family!

How far indeed we have come.  During the past six months we have been terrified at the prospect of Luka coming so early, filled with fear upon returning to hospital for an emergency inguinal hernia operation and a host of other overwhelming emotions.  Fortunately, we have also been overjoyed with his progress, humbled by the enormity of finally taking him home from hospital - and incredibly grateful for all the support from staff and friends alike.  We have both learned a lot about each other and to say that the experience of having Luka in this manner has brought us closer together, is an understatement.

But most importantly, we have come to know and love a littler person with an incredible spirit.  People will tell you that preemies are special, and I think they are right.  To see a tiny 1.7kg/3+lbs person fight for every millimeter, milliliter and gram of his life for the first few weeks is an experience that one can hardly describe.  Thank you Luka for grounding us in the firm knowledge that someone bigger than us all takes care of us, and that the unending spirit of love can see you through some pretty hairy things in life.

You are the light in our lives and we love you for teaching us how to relinquish more control of our lives to you every single day.

Happy 'un'birthday Peanut!

Luka at Six months

Photos:  All photo credits to Brenda Wardall of Hearts in a Shutter - she is an amazing photographer in Noordhoek, visit her website here:  www.hearts.co.za .  If you want to see more of our shoot at our home in Scarborough, please visit:  http://www.hearts.co.za/blog/luka-family/ - for a trip down memory lane, see the previous photo shoot with Brenda when Luka was still 4 weeks premature here.

Flashback - Little Luka at -4 weeks.
See photos from this shoot here

In memoriam... (from Chris)

On Sunday, 25 September, I will run the Cape Town City Marathon, my first-ever.

Scott (center) with my little sis Cara and their teammate
at a recent racing event.

I would like to dedicate this marathon to my sister’s boyfriend, Scott Nelson, who tragically lost his life in a freak accident when he collided with a runner while on a training bike ride on 17 August, 2011. 
Scott was first and foremost a father to two children, a partner to my sister, a friend, but also a competitive tri-athlete and considered the best cyclist in my hometown of Visalia.

I never had the chance to meet Scott personally, but knew him vicariously through my sister and the impact he had on her life and that of her own two boys. I would like to use this marathon to raise awareness about the importance of road-sharing between various users (drivers, runners, cyclists).

If you are a runner, hiker, cyclist, driver, or parent and would like to support me in my marathon quest you can do so by sponsoring me with a donation of your choice (per mile or otherwise), the proceeds will go to a college fund for Scott’s kids.

This fund can never bring Scott back into my sister’s life, nor to the lives of his children and students at the school where he taught, but will live on through the lives of his children.

If you would like to make a donation, please mail a check to:

Audrey and Ethan Nelson College Fund, 

Visalia Community Bank 

P.O. Box 1311

Visalia CA 93279

For those of our friends not living in the US who would like to make a donation, please use my Paypal account name: chris.susan@gmail.com, when you make the payment indicate marathon and all donations will be forwarded to the memorial fund.

Read a tribute by a fellow-athlete and friend of Scott's here.

Sincerely,

Chris Serjak

cserjak@gmail.com

Weight Watchers - A six for our six

After a sluggish performance on the scales recently with all levels of stress that goes with it - I am thrilled to report that our little man finally tipped the scales at 6.04kg (12.25lbs) on Monday!  And this just in time for his six month birthday tomorrow!  The poor nurses at the Sunvalley Pharmacy clinic had actually stopped charging me for his weigh-ins, but I was happy to pay the R30 on Friday (and yes, I know that weight should be taken over a long-term period to see an overall trend and not to be watched daily due to fluctuations - but when your ex-prem has a negative weight gain over 12 days, that's a tough call).

The recent gains is slightly on the high side (as in 500g/1 lbs) in 11 days (45g/1.5oz) per day - or roughly the equivalent of 1 pint of beer (since we are on bottles this week), so we will be watching and adjusting accordingly.

Relief does not begin to describe the feeling - off to the pediatrician on Friday for his last synergis shot before our departure on Tuesday.

Shop'a Thon

Here's a thought - don't take a 4/6 month old shopping in a huge mall for eight hours for pre-departure necessities like work clothes that actually fit and bottles he actually likes.  Alas, this is only one of potentially dozens of life's little lessons that we will still come to learn and accept as we stumble along the way.  I think partly it is our affinity for doing all things together that has us struggle with parting ways to get things done.  Perhaps it has something to do with getting married so young that we never really had separate adult lives, or just the fact that we love each others' company, but yes - we do shop, cook, eat, read, work out and pretty much do everything else together - so it was only natural for us to head off to the mall.  Well, Luka had other plans when he decided that Monday this week would come on Tuesday (we had a fabulous Monday with him btw), and he let the entire Canal Walk Mall in Milnerton north of Cape Town (mind you, a 40+km drive for us rural dwellers).

After throwing a number of tantrums and wanting to feed pretty much non-stop (making trying on nursing bras particularly challenging), we got home and the little dude actually gave us a good nights' rest - Chris put him down with a bottle while I made dinner and said Luka was actually staring at his cot at the end of his feed.  Poor little dude, maybe we'll take turns at the mall next time.

Saturday in Scarbs - RWC and a trip to Cape Point

Another rough day in paradise.  Woke up to watch the Springboks pummel Fiji 49-3 in their Rugby World Cup pool match in the Scarborough Community Hall.  Thanks to the folks who ingeniously set up a projector and sound system we can now walk to our rugby matches and no longer have to drive 8km to Kommetjie (we will miss the pub though).

After the match we hosted a brunch at our place, followed by a visit to Cape Point Nature Reserve where we walked down Olifantsbos to watch the cool kids surf.

Bottle Battle Round #6 - Game, Set and MATCH

Okay, perhaps it is not entirely a fair fight, and yes, it might to a large extent be due only to the fact that we still have a longer attention span than Luka - but, dare I say - we WON one!

Luka and Daddy settling in for a sundowner

On Friday the 16th of September, Luka the Legend and Daddy the Darraigner stepped onto Central Court at 84 Hilltop, Scarborough - for the final match of the Bottle Battle tournament.  Armed with a few solid wins under his belt, Luka may have underestimated the resolve of a father under strict instructions from his beloved wife to 'do or die' (well, it wasn't that dramatic, but not like breastfeeding Luka while I am at work is an option for Chris, so pretty much).

After the initial warm-up shots were tossed around while standing and bouncing in the position most likely to through Luka for a loop - it finally happened - he latched onto that Latex nipple like there was no tomorrow and gulped down the entire feed in what seemed to be a single shot (what came back up from his persistent reflux problem is another problem, and not one only related to this form of feeding).

One cannot but congratulate the challenger for the courage, determination and skill to finally take the title in the Bottle Battle Cup 2011!  (Let's hope mommy fairs equally well in the 'Solids Invitational'.

"See, it's not that bad!"

Glorious Scarborough

Enjoying Mate's on the beach with Elena and Co.

Luka with Auntie Elena

I've written about our amazing seaside village before.  For those of you not familiar with it, Scarborough is situated about 40mins drive south of Cape Town.  As a conservation village we try our best to co-exist with the native Chachma Baboon population, and enjoy gorgeous days on the beach and on the mountainside behind our home.

But it is the people of this place that make it so special.  From the old timers who still live in beach shacks they occupied back in the 1960s and 1970s before there was electricity or roads, to the couple of regularly cook and entertain locals with catering and take out meals, to the South American couple who are like a young set of parents to us all, complete with oversight of the neighborhood watch and most social gatherings.  It is, to put it mildly, a spectacular place.  Here kids still run in the street, skateboard to the beach, dogs run and play off-leash, people warm their homes with wood-fired stoves, neighbors know each other, and television takes a backseat to hikes, beach walks, surfing, and biking.

Our new friends here will be sorely missed when we return to Timor, where our other friends from our other life await us, and whom we are extremely excited to see.

Kids with surfboards.

Go Bokke!

Go Bokke!

GOOOOO BOKKE!

 Good Luck against Fiji!  Come on guys, take us another step closer to a RWC Hat Trick!


PS:  Luka would like to tell coach De Villiers that even at the ripe age of six months, he can see that John Smit is no longer the right choice for #2.  Go Bismarck!

Oh what a smile!

We had the lovely pleasure of having lunch with Luka's peetma (godmother) at the Brass Bell who shot these lovely pictures of Luka and myself. 

Have you seen anything cuter? I think not.

Momeraderie

10 September 2011 - After nearly six months since our birth,
Chris and I share our experience with HypnoBirthing

With our birth coach Kim Young of
Beautifully Born

Chris and I attended a HypnoBirthing info session by our beloved birth coach, Kim Young (Beautifully Born) on Saturday.  Kim asked whether we would share our story of how HypnoBirthing helped us when our birthplan went awry.  Revisiting the events that started on 20 March and culminated in Luka on the 22nd were both an emotional and empowering affair,  it led me to finally finish the post of how it actually all happened that we ended up in Darwin on that fateful Monday afternoon... You can read Part II of how it all transpired here.

After the talk I met  'Ben's mom' who came up to introduce herself by saying "I hope this does not make me sound like a stalker, but I have been following your blog since April".  She had her son 4 weeks premature, and just like us, was overwhelmed with the emotions and having to leave your precious baby behind in hospital day after day.  She explained how much the blog and my sharing of my experience meant to her, often prompting her to ask "what would Luka's mom do" when faced with a particular challenge.

This encounter builds on my own inspiration that I drew from hosting fellow new moms here for a brunch last weekend and from engaging with other sleep-deprived mommies at various gatherings over the past week.  I realized this week just how CRUCIAL it is to have a support network that includes other moms who know what you are going through.

I don't think that Ben's mom so much needed to get any answers from me, not that I really have any anyway, rather just knowing that there is someone out there going through a similar experience is often all it takes.  So it came as a surprise to me this week  that even second-time moms don't have themselves as together as they would like.  It turns out that we ALL believe we are not doing a good job, that surely bub should be sleeping/feeding/rolling better by now, and that we will never get him weaned on the bottle and why can't I just seem to keep up with work/correspondence/my hobby?

Well, the lesson for me this week was that if you have/will have a baby - surround yourself with other new moms. You will be amazed to know that what you are going through is not unique, nor indicative of bad mothering, and that perhaps, just perhaps, you're not doing all as bad as you think.  In this way I have pit enormous, incalculable strength from my support group, most notably Stacy, niggie, Katie and others - and if I can in turn mean something to someone, be it personally or through my writing...then this is all a big circle of momeraderie karma.

If you are a new mom reading this, get up, find a mommy-and-baby group (seriously, trust me it was not my thing either) and go compare notes with someone else, you might be pleasently surprised.

Felinfants or Infanteline?

Ever notice the marked similarities between infants and felines?  I mean think about it.

1. They both need to sleep a lot or they are cranky
2. They are both able to sleep with their eyes open (seriously, check out bub next time and you'll notice (s)he staring at you through a half-mast peeper)
3. They are both fussy eaters, and don't try and change their food on them or be warned!
4. They're both wonderful to cuddle with when they are calm, and impossible to hold when they are fussy
5. Clipping the nails of both of these critters is not for the faint-of-heart
6. They are both very possessive of their mommy/human and very picky as to who will have the privilege of a cuddle
7. They both tend to vomit on precious possessions to show displeasure
8. They both lose a lot of hair
9. They both take quite a bit of training to get the toilet habit just right 
10. Finally, they are two of the most talked-about items at a dinner table - nothing like 'crazy cat' or 'sleepless infant' stories to get a party started.

Anyone have any more?

My wittle watermelon

Luka when he was still where he was supposed to be...22 weeks

Going through all the thousands of Luka photos I have...I stumbled on this one, perhaps my favorite photo of my pregnancy. 

Bottle Battle Round #5

The contestants on Court 2 

Contestant #1:  Luka the Legend
Weapon: More accurate use of hands, making swiping at the bottle much more accurate!
Contestant #2:  Daddy the Dude
Substitute:  none, this is a singles match

A skillful backhand move by the
challenger

Weapon of choice:  remains unchanged - AVENT One-Piece Anti-Colic Valve System switched half-way through to NUK latex slow-flow to mix things up and try a 'shock and awe' approach.


Outcome: Game 4:  Advantage Daddy (with Luka serving next)
Match notes: The match took place both inside and outside on the deck overlooking the ocean while Daddy rocked, swayed, shuushed and talked to Luka (translation: Luka can currently only be bottle fed by someone with a strong back and good coordination, in good weather, by the coast)

A rather shocked expression
from the undefeated champion

Results:  A strong showing by the challenger who made his determination clear to the defending champion.
Quote of the match:  "Buddy, even if you wear this last bit we are going to finish this bottle!"
Match time:  About 45mins

Next up - final game of the set.

Proof that we are not raising a sore loser

Luka and mommy

Scarborough beach 3 September 2011

At the Old Biscuit Mill Food Market in Cape Town
27 August, 2011

Weight Watchers

Weight has always played a very important part in Luka's life.  Obviously, Luka was born very small at 1.777kg/3lbs 14oz (though not bad for a 30-weeker), and we have since had to watch his weight gain very carefully.  For the past month or so unfortunately it has been rather sluggish - prompting the momentary panic over milk supply and other matters as described in this post.  We have adopted a concerted strategy to try and increase his weight gain including introducing solids and engaging in a series of bottle battles to introduce some higher-calorie formula in his diet.

We took Luka for a weigh-in again yesterday and unfortunately his gain remains on the low end at only 100g in six days, which translates to almost 17g/0.6oz a day (when 15-30g is what we are aiming for), though fortunately better than the average 9g a day he gained the preceding three weeks.

While it is normal for prems to gain at lower rates than full-term babies, and even expected that they should be smaller than they would have been had they been born at full term, Chris and I are trying everything to ensure a healthy and normal weight gain for our little man.

Luka's current weight is 5.540kg/12.2lbs.  While he is in the 'normal' range for his almost four month corrected age, it is on the small side - which, with parents like us probably would not have been the case :(

Anyone want to take bets on who will win the Bottle battles?

Bottle Battle Round #4

Contestant #1:  Luka the Legend
Weapon of choice: new-found intent on winning, armed with a fresh nap under his belt.
Contestant #2:  Mommy now Mildly Meek
Substitute:  none, this is a singles match
Weapon of choice:  remains unchanged - AVENT One-Piece Anti-Colic Valve System fitted with a slow-flow teat - 50ml of Nestle Lactogen Formula (why? because mommy can't keep up feeding a growing 4'ish month old, AND the Medela - so will have to 'get ahead' first before can provide him with expressed breastmilk)


Outcome:
Game 4:  Advantage Mommy (with Luka serving next)
Match notes: With Daddy the Determined braving the freezing (14C/54F) Atlantic waters in his inaugural Cape Peninsula dives with local dive outfit Pisces Divers mommy was left home to brave Game 4 in the Bottle Battle Match alone.  Using the skills and technique demonstrated by the Daddy yesterday, mommy proceeded with trepidation.
Results:  It was a game of 50's.  Formula attempted:  50mls (1.7oz) of that 50mls, Luka ingested probably about 50%. Of the remaining 50%, mommy is wearing about 50% and Luka's bib the other 50%.  So in all, not a terribly bad showing, and certainly an improvement over previous Games.
Match time:  About 45mins, no tears, a little fuss, lots of bouncing and entertainment, and a much better communication strategy between Luka and Mommy.

Will Game 5 be the Match decider?  Stay tuned.

Bottle Battle Round #3

Contestant #1:  Luka the Legend
Weapon of choice: Sheer and utter will and determination (with two Games won, add some confidence to the mix!)
Contestant #2:  Daddy the Disillusioned (re-branding in the hopes of thwarting the opponent)
Weapon of choice:  AVENT One-Piece Anti-Colic Valve System fitted with a slow-flow teat
(Reasoning for weapon for Contestant #2):  Because Weapons #1 and #2 SUCKED!
Substitute:  Mamma the Meagerly Hopeful


Outcome:
Game 3:  DEUCE (with a possibility for advantage Daddy)
Match notes: A much more respectable attempt by Contestant #2.  It is clear that he studied match tapes from earlier games, and used the 'surprise-factor' to shock and awe the defending champion into submission with unexpected twists such as outward-facing approaches and swift footwork.  While less than 30mls/1oz was accomplished, taken with the negative amounts from the previous attempts, we're probably close to a gallon of net gain.
Match time:  An hour of sweat, drool and formula (happy to report no blood yet), and no tears this time!

Bring on the next round!

Bottle Battle Round #2

Contestant #1:  Luka the Legend
Weapon of choice: Sheer and utter will and determination
Contestant #2:  Daddy the Delusional 
Weapon of choice:  NUK Latex  #1
(Reasoning for weapon for Contestant #2):  Another NUK apparatus, this time with a more 'natural' teat for our organic kid. Ha!
Substitute:  Mamma the Mercurial 


Outcome:
Game 2:  6-2 for Luka the Legend
Match notes:  DtD gave it his best shot - and managed to get a few shots in this time, but LtL had improved on his volleys and managed to floor DtD once more with a deep shot down the sideline to square away a solid win for Game 2 in the match.  Mamma the Mercurial was brought in briefly off the bench - but it was soon evident that the game was already decided.
Match time:  A much more respectable twenty minutes.  

Spa-day with daddy

The dudes in terrycloth after a nice bath.

Bottle Battle Round #1

Contestant #1:  Luka the Legend
Weapon of choice: Sheer and utter will and determination
Contestant #2:  Daddy the Determined
Weapon of choice:  NUK Orthodontist-choice Silicone #1
(Reasoning for weapon for Contestant #2):  Same/similar as dummy/pacifier/binky that Contestant #1 sucked on until recently deciding that his god-given thumbs are way better (with which his sleep-deprived parents tend to agree)


Outcome:
Game 1:  6-0 for Luka the Legend
Match notes:  DtD did not stand a chance.  LtL hit an ace, powerful on the baseline, and finally buried his opponent at the net.
Match time:  didn't even register  

Staying Abreast

International Breastfeeding symbol

After struggling for six weeks to establish breast-feeding with Luka, and then regarding us as quite the team, imagine my disappointment and dismay this past week when I suddenly experienced a reduction in production.  Talk about a chicken-and-egg situation as the reduced milk stressed me out, while stress is one of the largest causes for a reduction in milk...

There are many reasons why this can happen, some of which include (yes stress) dehydration, a sudden increase in exercise (related to dehydration), certain medications, illness (I had a stomach bug that I forgot about), or having your period.

Needless to say having an exclusively breastfed baby with a reduced milk supply is not a nice position to be in, so we had to jump into action to get the 'ol puppies humming again.

So what is a girl to do.

1. Feed more frequently
2. Rent a pump to help stimulate production more - pump after each feed - if you are in Australia, I highly recommend the Medela Symphony II, we pumped about 1liter of milk per day in Darwin, if you are in South Africa, the best you can do is the Medela Lactina - it's no Symphony, but the strongest pump you will find - you can get it from a number of well-baby clinics around the country.
3. Sleep or rest as you release more prolactin (the hormone needed for milk production) when you sleep (yes, this probably means getting some help to care for bub for a few hours so you can catch some zzzzz's)
4. Hydrate, hydrate!  Water, tea, rehydration formulas, that sort of thing.  If you are in SA (or can get these at a healthfood store elsewhere), they recommended "Jungle Juice" to me, recipe: 

   60mls Schlehen Blackthorn Berry Elixir
   1 sachet Blackcurrant Rehydrate
   1L Apple Juice
   2L Water
   Add 10 drops rescue remedy per glass

5. Herbal remedies - A variety of herbal supplements and remedies are believed to increase milk production: Fenugreek has been around since biblical times and Alfalfa (hold the cow jokes please!)
6. Prescription medication such as Reglan (Metoclopramide) (US) or Domperidone (Motilium) (non-US). In South Africa they love to prescribe Eglynol which contains Sulpiride which I decided against after learning it is an anti-psychotic drug used for treatment of schizophrenia.  It is claimed to be very good for increasing milk supply though (and as I was told, with the added benefit of being an anti-depressant), talk to your healthcare provider to see whether this is necessary or even right for you and your baby. 

Local hiking and activities

Everyone who know us know that we love the outdoors.  We love to hike, mountain bike, scuba dive, camp, and pretty much everything else we can do that requires a helmet and a waiver.  Of course, things like mountain biking have taken a momentary backseat with the arrival of Luka, but we are already in the market for a bike trailer for when he finally sorts out this head control business.  Luka has in no way slowed us down considerably though as we have taken him on pretty much daily hikes down to the beach, up the mountain and in our local reserves of Cape Point and Silvermine.  Last weekend we went up into Silvermine to scout out future rock-climbing locales figuring that there is hardly anything better and more wholesome for a little bugger to do than climb rocks with his parents suspended from a harness.  Yes, yes - we realize he has to learn a lot more than simply head control before he can traverse a boulder, but hey - no harm in looking right?

Come on K-T and Jdawg - bring Harper so we can go climbing!

Behold the newest Foodie in the Family

Breakfast in bed!

The prep-phase

While I am a strong proponent of  'Breast is Best', there comes a time in every infant-son of food-loving parents to make the jump to delectable dishes like....rice cereal!  Trust me, this important step is much to blame for this post, and pretty much, most of the feelings of being overwhelmed in the last week.  A quick search online will give you an indication of just how complicated and controversial introducing solids can be in a normal term baby - let alone to a premature infant that is somewhere between 3.5-5.5 months old.  I mean, do we go by the old WHO 'breast-only for the first six months', or the new WHO guidelines of 'breast-only for the first 4 months', and if so - which four months or six months exactly are we talking about, his birth age (which means his digestive track's real age) or his corrected age (meaning his developmental age) - you see my point here....

'Presentation is Everything' right?
Just because it is not Kobi Beef does
not mean we can't have white linens.

So, once I got back on my motherhood horse after a few blows this week, (we won't go into low weight gain issues, low milks supply - leading to rented pumps and miles driven for Medela parts in the Southern Peninsula, herbal supplements - and just general overwhelmedness and under-decisiveness) meagerly mom (and darling daddy of course) decided that guidelines are exactly that, there to guide us - and in the end, guidelines don't make decisions for Luka, we do.  So with the  blessing of Luka's paed and encouragement from a few great nurses - we embarked on the big Solids phase!  Nothing too crazy in the beginning, just some rice cereal (gotto work him up to that seared Ahi and all), and after the initial 'hey, what's-this-weird-stuff-in-my-mouth-tongue-thurst' - Luka seems to really like it!

"Release my love, or be slain by my
spoon!"

We have started on breakfast only, after a breast feed - with his porridge as 'breakfast-in-bed'.  We make it lots of fun (thanks niggie) and allow him to play with the spoon after the feed (which, proud mommy can say he managed to jam into his mouth - okay, and his eye a couple of times).

Haunted in the 'Hood

Alright, this post is probably waaaaaaaaaay overdue, but part of the reason for this post is also the reason why it hasn't happened yet - no one tells you exactly how hard it is going to be!  That's right.  For fear of labeling myself a 'bad mother' or 'not cut out for this' and all the other jazz us newbies believe to be true when we are honest (heaven forbid), there I said it - this is bloody hard!  Yes, I know, I've been to graduate school (twice), been to Iraq (and Afghanistan mind you), and been on a solo short final - and this is, hands down the HARDEST thing I have ever done.

Thanks to the lovely folks at my favorite radio station in the US, National Public Radio (NPR) for highlighting this* - and also for questioning the reasons why no one ever admits that it is not all sunshine and roses.  In their recent article "Parenthood Got You Down? You're not alone" they question this notion of new mothers feeling the need to project themselves as living in new-found infant-clad domestic bliss, simply loving her perfect baby (who, of course, reaches all her milestones way early).  Well, BEE-ESS (to keep it family-friendly here).

Yes! it is wonderful when baby smiles at you and adds a new sound to the 'cooh' chorus.  Yes! it is a great feeling when you walk around town and everyone tells you how cute and adorable your bub is, and no, they do not believe that all babies are this cute.  But, and this is the kicker, it is also DAMN HARD WORK.  Thank heavens we forget, or I suppose humanity would die out, and god bless our parents for also putting up with our sleepless nights and fussy spells.  But for some reason, there is a taboo on talking about how hard it is.  Don't get me wrong, I am not whining here, and I know, 'toughen up' right, 'you have so many more resources and knowledge than we did in our day' - fine, the Internet helps, but it doesn't get up at 2am to breastfeed, and it doesn't teach my baby how to self-soothe.

Fair enough, we (by that I mean the Marx-Serjak household) does not exactly make it easy on ourselves with traveling, moving and generally living in not-your-run-of-the-mill suburban sobriety, but that fact notwithstanding.  If it's not kindergarten waiting lists that you have missed because you did not put Peanut's name on it in your sixth week of gestation, then it's the constant bombardment with whether you need to raise him in a bilingual home, with or without television, in a pram or kangaroo caring...I mean - jowzer, the kid can't even wipe his own bottom yet!

Okay, getting off point here.  Yes, it is wonderful to have a baby, and yes, the smiles, coohs and laughs can melt your heart - but this is a good thing, because the sleepless nights, fears and frets over breastmilk supply, when to introduce solids, why is he not rolling, sudden fear of strangers, and the constant lack of time for yourself, can also melt your spirit.

So new moms unite.  Admit, it's awesome, but its damn hard work.  We know we'll survive (I mean, folks with way fewer parenting books than I seem to figure it out right?) but it is a constant battle of insecurity, worry, indecisiveness, exhaustion, guilt, self-blame - and that's just before 9am.

Today I salute all the dozens of new moms (both my friends who have been indescribably supportive) and those I don't know who read this blog for lack of anything better to do.  I know you are amazing, strong, resilient.  And yes, I know what you are going through.

There, I said it.

*  (h/t Rachel for posting on FB)