How it all happened...Part I

Alright, after all the comments we received from people begging us not to stop the blog now that Luka is home, and also the dozens of requests for the story of how it all happened, I thought I would use my new-found freedom from the confines of the nursery to jot down how it all happened. After all, how does a South African and an American who currently live in Timor-Leste, expecting their first baby at the end of May, end up delivering in Australia in the middle of March?  Seems logical no?

It all started on the 20th of March, incidentally also my father's 60th birthday which we sadly had to miss due to our impending trip to South Africa for our extended maternity leave.  In order to uphold a long-standing tradition of trying to throw Chris a surprise birthday party every year (any of our Iraq friends remember the one I arranged for Chris' 30th in Baghdad, while I was in Pretoria; who here went to U2 for his 23rd in Johannesburg; and the SMRC gang, who can forget the fabulous Big Bear weekend where we all met Stu's girlfriend (now wife) for the first time) I arranged the first-ever charter of the new boat of the dive shop in Timor where Chris is a part-time instructor.  With twelve divers and two pregnant girls on board, we set off for the island of Atauro for a day of diving, lunch and birthday fun.  The trip was a huge success (despite an auspicious second dive) and some fun snorkeling for those of us no longer 'fit' to dive.

When we got home, Chris made dinner and I sat at the kitchen table. I noticed mild 'cramping' and told him that it must mean I was experiencing 'practice labor' also known as Braxton Hicks contractions.  These mild contractions are common in the second and third trimesters and prepare you and your uterus for the real deal. At 30 weeks gestation, I was quite excited to experience them, thinking that my uterus must be working just fine.

I became somewhat concerned when the cramping did not go away overnight, since these generally disappear when you change positions or whatever activity you are doing, however mine persisted throughout the night.  The following morning I phoned one of the midwives who conducted a birthing class for all the pregnant couples in Dili that Chris and I attended. and asked her whether she thought this was something I should be concerned about. She said probably not, but to be safe, I should call the doctor I had been seeing at the Australian Embassy.  I did so and was informed she was at a meeting until 10am, I told the friendly receptionist to please tell her I was experiencing mild cramps, to please call me back. Promptly at 10am I received a call asking me to come in at 11am when she had a cancellation. In the absence of the Country Representative of my organization in Timor, as the Deputy Country Representative, I was currently in charge of almost sixty staff members and in the middle of a host of programmatic and logistical tasks.  I momentarily considered not going to the doctor, when I thought better of it, so I excused myself from my 10:30am meeting, and told my colleagues I would be back in an hour to finalize our discussion, I never returned to the office.

In the car on the way to the doctor I first felt something wet. I desperately hoped it was the heat and humidity causing me to sweat profusely in my old car with the broken aircon.  However I cannot deny I was secretly terrified that my amniotic fluid might be leaking. At the doctor's office she took my vitals and we discussed the symptoms, but she was unable to check the fluid because she does not have testing kits for amniotic fluid. I was instructed not to return to work, rather to go home and rest, that she would call me in an hour to check on me.  She also asked me to start timing my 'cramps'.  I started writing down the times and duration of the cramps in a notebook. When the doctor called and I mentioned these 'cramps' had moved from being 10 minutes apart, to roughly 5 minutes apart.  I would say that this is when I first heard the concern in her voice. She asked where Chris was, I mentioned he was on his way home from work - she said we needed to get to Australia ASAP.  The only problem was, it was Monday afternoon at 1pm, and the next flight left at 5pm - or so we thought.  Turns out the last flight for the next two days was scheduled to leave Dili for Darwin at 3:30pm.

When Chris got home he grabbed my passport and rushed off to the Australian Embassy to process the emergency visa I am required to have in order to receive medical treatment in Australia.  In the meantime, I continued to time my cramps, while jumping online to buy plane tickets, and pack for who knows what!  I remember standing in my dressing room thinking, what do I pack?  I mean, I could come back a mom, I could just come back a few days later, I might never come back, or I might come back in six months?  What exactly does one pack in these circumstances?  In my case, turns out to be my iPod, a camera, all my books on natural childbirth, and running gear for Chris (I was smart enough to think he might need to blow off some steam at some point), and the locket my dad gave me for my 21st birthday before I moved to the US with Chris.

A driver from my office picked me up and took me back to the doctor who had since been in touch with a doctor at the Royal Darwin Hospital. Based on the instructions from a specialist there, she administered a dose of nifedipine to try and slow the contractions down (and hopefully avoid pre-term labor), as well as a dose of steroids to assist in lung development of the baby in the event I did deliver early.

Thanks to the doctor and the Australian Embassy in Dili, Chris managed to get the emergency visa within the hour and met me at the doctor's office at 3pm, where he took the reigns of the vehicle and rushed us to the airport for the 3:30pm flight (note: as with most first-time dads one of his biggest fears was some mad rush to the hospital with me in labor).  At the airport we checked in, then spotted the midwife and doctor charging into the terminal, there to make sure I was still stable, and to check my vitals one last time before I boarded the flight.  

With my hopes up and my heart in my throat we boarded the 70 minuted Air North flight TL519 from Dili to Darwin.  While still experiencing the 'cramps' I clutched Chris' hand as I desperately paged through my books trying to find something comforting about pre-term labor...details were sparse.  Instead, we prayed that everything would be okay and that the trip only meant being out a few hundred dollars in plane tickets and a few days spent in Darwin....

to be continued....

Finally, the very special day...

Last photo in the nursery before walking out the door,
baby in hand.

As we sit here watching the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, I am reminded fondly of one of my most poignant childhood memories.  The wedding of Prince Charles to then 20-year old Diana Spencer in July of 1981 remains vividly etched in my mind.  I was four years old. My mom took myself and my infant sister to watch the ceremony on my grandmothers tiny black-and-white television in her brick house with the red front stoep in the Johannesburg suburb of Boksburg.  It was a frigid day in Johannesburg, and I slipped in a puddle of water on the polished stoep then spent the entire ceremony next to an old asbestos (ugh!) heater draped in a tiny bath towel.

Walking out of the nursery for the last time we felt
almost awkward, like we were doing something illegal...
(photo: Nurse Jools)

Today, three months (to the day) short of exactly thirty years later, will in turn become one of my most poignant adult memories, this time however, not for the matrimony of a young prince to a beautiful commoner and future queen of England, but rather, as the day Chris and I brought our own little prince, our young Luka home from hospital.

After spending the first 38 days of his life in the Special Care Nursery at the Royal Darwin Hospital in northern Australia, Luka literally saw the light (and felt the wind, and the sun) on his young skin for the first time today.  Born nearly ten weeks early, he has fought and exceeded our every expectation as he is released from hospital a mere 5 weeks 3 days later, at the young age of 36 weeks and 1 day gestation.

The magic number that secured
our release - a gain of 65g
last night!

He has taught us more in five weeks than our combined educations multiple universities has, but most of all, he has taught us humility, perseverance, and the importance of a fighting spirit.  As we watch the spectacle of the Royal Wedding unfold on television, we wonder what Luka's life will hold for him, and for us.

There are so many people to thank for the support, love, care and prayers over the past six weeks, we will attempt to recognize you all in the coming days and weeks as our new life takes shape as a family.

God bless Luka (and the Queen too)

Walking towards the elevator on the 6th floor
 (photo: Nurse Jools) 

Still a long way from Cape Town, but at least we
are all together now...

Taking Luka back from the hospital

Leaving the Special Care Nursery

Leaving our corner spot in the Special Care Nursery
on Day 37

One of the Paediatricians shows Susan what to listen for
during the examination to determine if Luka is strong
enough to leave the nursery

As with so many steps along the way, it is really hard to explain the feeling when you are about to leave the Special Care Nursery, with your baby, for the first time.  Although we only migrated across the hallway to the Maternity Ward (known here simply as "6A") the psychology of packing up the stacks of preemie books, granola bars, tiny nappies, water bottles, gift teddies, deflated balloons still pasted to the wall, is once again - indescribable.  An odd mix of emotions run over you yet again.  "Are we ready?", "what if he doesn't eat well tonight and they bring him back here", "why is this taking so long?", "why isn't anybody saying 'goodbye' to us?"...to the empathy that washes over you as you bid your neighboring mom and her battling little breastfeeder farewell.

Wrapped in blankets in the freezing ward room, Susan and
Luka are at it to ensure sufficient progress 

The reality is that this day sneaks up on you almost as much as the birth does.  Just when you have the system all figured out, and you reach the point where you think you cannot stare out the same window at the same patch of the same town any longer - you are ushered one step closer to the door.  And so it was that at 13:30 on April 28, 2011 - Chris, Luka and I loaded up his cot and departed the Special Care Nursery for our overnight test known as 'rooming in'.  Essentially a controlled independence (to quote Stacy again) to ensure that mom can read the preemie's cues for feeding times, and that the baby is strong enough to take his feeds from the breast instead of the tube.  A required weigh-in will determine whether the preemie has gained (or not lost) sufficient weight to proceed with the experiment, or if he is not yet ready.

Bacon and banana pizza with good mozzarella....aaaah

As for our first rooming-in night, what a relief not to have to leave him behind.  Those of you who know me well know that I have a certain aversion for going to the doctor, and in particular for hospitals - I assure you, I have never been as thrilled to book myself in to hospital as last night, and promptly asked the nurse in the nursery where I would get another bracelet! (I did).  Chris moved us over here, then ran to the mall for some sushi for lunch.  Here we spent the afternoon cuddling, reading and blogging.  Chris returned later with home-made pizza and sparkling water (though I am sure the stewed meat-surprise with green jelly and custard pudding and a side of sliced white Wonderbread and margarine was delightful).

Way past the 8pm cut-off for visitors, Chris quietly changed Luka's nappy, and then dressed him as warm as possible to protect him from the frigid temperature in this room.  I changed into what little warm clothes Chris managed to scavenge for me at home.  We said our nightly prayer for Luka, and then poor Chris had to leave both of us behind.  It was really quite emotional as he said this was the second hardest night to have to leave the hospital.

Left behind, but right next to Luka for the first
night together

I admit that I was a little nervous, knowing that Luka had to prove himself overnight that he can feed on his own.  Considering he hadn't been feeding that well during the day what with the brain and eye examinations...I was a bit concerned.  Add to that the normal motherly fear of not 'hearing the baby' wake or heaven forbid stop breathing...it made me wonder, how did my profoundly deaf mother survive those long nights waiting outside my bedroom door, constantly checking with her hand over my mouth to ensure that I was still breathing.

Well, it is 07:30 now, we made it through the night with four good feeds in the last twelve hours. Chris is on the way over to the hospital now (hopefully with emergency coffee!) then we plan on weighing him together at the nursery...I guess the proof will be in the pudding when we put the little chubber on the scale.

Fingers crossed.

Trust

Day 34: Asleep in his daddy's arms...

Another one off the list: Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP)

As can be expected, when a baby is born prematurely, he/she has not had the luxury of having all the little bits and pieces developed fully in the uterus (note to Luka from his mommy: take it from personal experience, it is better to wait than rush some things!).  One of these bits include the eyes.  As the blood vessels in the unborn baby's eyes continue to develop until about 34 weeks' gestation, this growth can be interrupted and altered, leading to potential damage of the retina.  The disease is called Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP) and is one of the leading cause for childhood blindness.

Luka being screened for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP)

Since Luka was born at 30 weeks, he was screened for ROP to ensure the blood vessels are growing normally, and not too fast or otherwise altered that could damage his retina.  The test requires eye drops be administered 30 minutes before hand to dilate the pupils (an awful feeling if you have ever had these drops during an eye exam).  According to the technician Luka's blood vessels are progressing normally.  While they have not yet fully developed (i.e., completed the distance from the center to the periphery of the eye) there is no indication of ROP.  As a precaution, he recommended a follow-up at 40 weeks to ensure the vessels completed their growth normally.    

Luka and the light...at the end of the tunnel

Well, just as well I reminisced about the institutional syndrome yesterday as it seems that, just like that, out of the blue - our institutional period might be coming to a rapid close...

At 08:00 this morning when we arrived at the hospital, what happened but the unthinkable??

Luka gets his feeding tube removed!

Luka's feeding tube was removed!!

Mom and Luka after this amazing milestone for both of us

The emotion that washes over you when they remove that tube, and you know it is not to 'change' it, or because he yanked it out again, but rather (hopefully) for the last time, is indescribable.  To see his precious little face without the tape covering the whole cheek is overwhelming and humbling at the same time. I couldn't help but think of all the hard work and perseverance it took on his part to keep trying with the breastfeeding, despite his young age.

Chris pushes Luka out of the Special  Care Nursery
for the first time

In addition to his tube removal, this morning Luka also had his first 'field trip' outside the Nursery.  We got to take him down the elevator to the x-ray department for his last cranial ultrasound, which came back normal. At the moment, he is lying on his daddy's chest in the same chair, in the same corner of the nursery, waiting for the ophthalmologist to do what would be the final screening before we can move into the ward together.
  
I explained that Luka had been on 'demand' feeding during the day for the past two days - that is when he has to feed by himself (breast/bottle) during the day, with gavage (tube) feedings only at night when I am not here. If he can prove himself by gaining weight after a few days, they usually consider the baby and mom 'rooming-in' together for a few nights to see whether he can continue to gain weight if purely on breastfeeding, kind of like a breastfeeding sleepover party.  The first day of 'demand' feeding, Luka stayed constant on his weight, so while he didn't gain anything, more importantly, he didn't lose anything.  Then yesterday, our little man drank himself a whole 40g heavier!  Thus, the good news today that we are ready to 'room in'!

Luka having his final cranial ultrasound to ensure there
are no bleeds on the brain

We are cautiously optimistic, and bearing in mind that he is young to be doing this (only 36 weeks gestation today), but we are positive that he and I can figure out this overnight feeding bit like we have everything else. Since his cues for hunger and desire to feed remain very subtle (i.e., he does not yet fuss or cry) I am sure I will be sitting up most of the night watching him closely for any of these...but, in a word, we are CLOSE!

Watch this space...  

And the greatest of them all...Hope

There is a tunnel

at the end of a tunnel is a light

this much I know

this much I must believe

my vehicle is not a car

my vehicle is more powerful

my vehicle cannot run out of fuel

my vehicle is hope

At 16:30 today, someone turned the light on at the end of our tunnel.  While we hesitate to say that we can see it yet - we cautiously admit that we have been alerted that the light has at least been switched on.

Translation: there is a slight chance we may be moving to 'rooming-in' (Susan and Luka spending a few nights together in a hospital room for 24-hour breastfeeding and other monitoring) to ensure Luka continues to breastfeed and gain weight satisfactorily...and dare I say that someone actually used the coveted D-word with us today, aptly on South Africa's Freedom Day. 

More soon....  

An Ouma's view

Ouma op die Blog

by: "Ouma" Estelle Marx

The very proud Ouma with her first grandchild.

I landed at Darwin airport after midnight on the 14th of April.  Chris met me at the small airport and drove me straight to the hospital where Susan was in the process of feeding Luka.  I was so excited and also anxious to see him and of course Susan having her first child.  The feelings that I experienced was that of awe, wonder and feeling so proud of them.  I can’t believe I am now a grandmother for the first time. All my friends told me, this feeling is something that I will never experience again.  I did not quite understand why they said that, but having seen Luka being breastfed by Susan, completely caught me by surprise.  Seeing little Luka, I realized how lovable he is, being himself and loved by his parents, and now also of course by me!

Susan and Chris told me everything about how they had to get to Australia very quickly and about the whole birthing process.  As I never had a natural childbirth, I was stunned to hear what they went through, right from the beginning up to the end, very determined to give natural birth with no unnecessary interference from the doctors, only when Luka was born, and they had to check him for all his vital signs.  Susan had midwifes to assist her and they were simply wonderful.

Ouma Estelle imprinting Luka's footprints on a card as
a memento to take home to South Africa with her. 

Staying most of the time with Susan and Chris at the hospital, I became so proud at the way there are handling Luka. The love of the kids shine through their eyes absolutely every minute of the day.  They are so proud of being parents! Luka is being held so lovingly, they talk to Luka when he is awake. Susan and Chris do the “kangaroo care” with him every time he wakes up. Boy, he sure enjoys that!! Yesterday I took a pic of Luka being with both of them naked from the waist up. My pic wasn’t very good, I aimed for Luka and what came out? Little Luka being on his dad’s hairy chest without Chris’ face on the picture. So it looks if Luka has being fed by someone with a very hairy chest! I don’t think Susan will put that on the blog!

Luka is growing by the day, gaining more weight and growing taller.  When I arrived, he looked a little ‘scrawny’ and very little. But now he is bigger, and his cheeks have popped out, he doesn’t flap his arms so much and the different expressions on his face when he sleeps, is too cute.  And of course he likes it very much if Daddy changes his nappy and giving him a very dirty nappy, aiming for Daddy’s lap and shorts, in which he is very successful!

Two mothers with their firstborns. 

The blog that Susan writes is so beautiful and there has been over 4,000 comments on it. Right over the world from all the different countries, comments are coming in.  I also know that God is with little Luka, and family and friends are praying for him. Every night Chris and Susan hold each other’s hand over Luka and pray to God to keep him safe and give him a kiss. Poor me, I also tried to give him a goodnight kiss, but I am too short, and couldn’t reach over the side of his cot to give him a kiss from granny.  They need to pick him up for me!

As a grandmother, I am so proud of little Luka’s determination to get out of hospital (or should I say his parents’ determination?), thanks to Susan and Chris’ loving care. How apt the name they have chosen for the blog…Loving Luka! I know I am going to cry tonight when I board the plane.  God bless you Chris and Susan.  Can’t wait to see Luka again!!

Ouma and skoonseun (son-in-law) on the Wharf in Darwin

Froglegs for dinner?

No reference to Luka - instead the froggy that made himself at home on the cap of our olive oil bottle last night... so many critters in Australia!

Frog legs anyone?

Institutionalization

in·sti·tu·tion·al·izedin·sti·tu·tion·al·iz·ing

transitive verb

1

: to make into an institution : give character of an institutionto <institutionalized housing>; especially : to incorporate into a structured and often highly formalized system<institutionalized values>

Merriam-Webster

The Special Care Nursery is a melting pot of people and their personalities. Nurses, doctors, cleaners and patients come from Korea, China, Philippines, Australia, Indonesia, Korea, Germany, Timor-Leste, and of course the US and South Africa.  We are all different, and unique.  Yet, it is still an institution, and by virtue of spending extensive periods of time confined here, we too become institutionalized to a great extent. 

For those of us known as 'the parents,' who spend countless hours glued to semi-comfortable chairs in an overly-lit room with bad coffee and never-ending noise, we are focused on one thing, and one thing only - getting out.  I imagine that if you did a psych study of parents of preemies in a Special Care Nursery some of the reactions to the environment would not be that dissimilar to inmates in a prison.  Confined to a small, brightly-lit environment with 24-hour noise, no peace or privacy, and little or no access to what goes on outside, one inadvertently start to elicit traits of anti-social, slightly paranoid behavior.  We lose track of the days of the week, what goes on in the news, and other things that were so important a few weeks ago suddenly seem much more irrelevant. 

I have numerous friends who have been incarcerated for many, many years, including extensive time in solitary confinement and am in no way suggesting that spending six weeks in a hospital is the same - rather, what fascinates me is that psychology of confinement that appears after a while without freedom.  Like the famous Stanford Prison Experiment I too definitely notice certain characteristics among the parents, and in particular myself.  I find that instead of coming in later, and being more comfortable with Luka's progress to take more time to myself, I am spending considerably more time at the hospital than in the beginning, it is like this is the only place I feel at home now.  Our friends at Wikipedia explains that institutional syndrome as the deprivation of independence or responsibility.  This is certainly to a great extent a risk in a high care nursery, where one can become so reliant on the 'experts' around who are seemingly more comfortable and skilled at handling the babies, and in diagnosing any problems - as such, there is a nascent fear amongst parents about not having someone to 'tell me when I should feed him' when we eventually go home and take our precious little ones with us. 

Our location in the General Nursery

There is also the reality of growing comfortable with the 'space' you are allocated, making any change, move or adjustment almost traumatic.  Take for instance when your preemie is in an isolette, it is like being in 'solitary confinement' and all you want is 'out'.  Then, suddenly when they remove the isolette, you have a momentary panic when that 'known' confinement is removed, and you ask yourself: 'are we ready'.  Once out, you feel lost in the much larger space of the 'General Nursery' area where your baby seems vulnerable and fragile in the open cot.  Similarly, when you are confined to monitors, all you want is to be able to rid your baby and yourself of the endless wires, switches and beeps - then, when they are removed, you feel bare and uncertain.  My friends who were incarcerated talks about living in only one room in their homes, and having to divide a room into a smaller unit to feel comfortable and safe upon release.  

'High-five' after ditching the last monitor - careful optimism

And yet, it remains this belief that we will one day go home, without monitors and special beds, that bind parents together.  Every parent in the nursery believes that his/her child is somehow special, unique and 'ahead' of the curve.  Perhaps this is true for any parent, mine certainly think I am far smarter, beautiful and amazing than I could ever even try to live up to, but in the nursery we see it every day.  Fortunately the staff are carefully trained to be sensitive not only to our emotional attachment to space, monitors and other familiarities, but also to that sensibility of progress, that belief in betterment...that crucial notion of Hope. 

Life in Darwin

It seems that everything in Darwin is big...including

...the wildlife...

A 'flying fox' having a mid-morning nap on an electrical
line

...and weather phenomenon...

The approaching rain cloud during Darwin's 'dry' season,
quote by Susan's mom: "I don't know what that is, but it
doesn't look good" 

Luka's first (non-family) visitors

Heather and Alex stop by to say hi to Luka on his
1-month birthday!

To coincide nicely with Luka's one month birthday on 22 April, we were thrilled to welcome three visitors from Dili.  Friends and fellow-divers Heather and Alex stopped by on their way to Bali.  We also had a visit by Hayley, the midwife who was called by my doctor when we thought I was going into labor to make a decision on the right course of action.  Needless to say we are eternally grateful for the way things worked out. 

Breastfeeding 201

Luka recently graduated from 'full top-ups' to 'half top-ups' during the day.  While this might seem insignificant, to a little guy that is only 35-weeks gestation, this is like completing an Ivy League education at sixteen.

Luka in full-on training mode...

Basically, this means that instead of pumping him full of his necessary nutrition via gavage feeds at regular intervals, he is only given 1/2 his feeds, leaving him to breastfeed for the other half.  The kicker is that he is weighed every day to make sure that he is progressing accordingly, and will be put back on full top-ups as soon as his progress is no longer satisfactory.  The weight gain range for him is between 15-30g a day.  So far, he has managed 25, 40 and 20g for the three days that we have attempted this.  From here on, we will move to 'no top-ups' (i.e., 'demand breastfeeding') during the day, meaning I will be tied to the all-too familiar recliner, ready to try and feed him whenever he fusses.  The challenge of course being that since he is still very premature, his signals are not as strong as that of a 'term' baby, and he needs his strength to keep growing, so we have to be careful that he does not exert more calories in trying to breastfeed, than he actually gains in the process - hence the daily weigh-ins.

With as much time as this little guy is spending on a scale these days, he might follow in his dad's footsteps as a collegiate wrestler yet. 

Day 33: aka Easter Sunday to the outside world

Easter Brunch in Darwin - 'Serjak-style' with a fabulous
Baked Breakfast Cheesecake in the park between feeds 

As Christians around the world celebrate Easter Sunday today, Chris and I are spending Day 33 in the Special Care Nursery on the 6th floor of the Royal Darwin Hospital, hardly aware of what month it is, let alone day of the week.  For some reason I got really antsy for the first time today, feeling as if I am ready and eager to get out of here.  Perhaps it was the twins' all-too familiar wailing that constantly sound through the nursery as they desperately call for someone to feed them, or the feeling of the all-too familiar recliner chair below my all-too tired backside, or the ever-invasive glow of fluorescent lighting in a place constantly plagued by people coming and going...

Luka's Easter Brunch - 'Gavage-style'

I have just about washed the skin off my hands for fear of spreading an infection I don't have, have worn the same 3 outfits for going on 5 weeks, and get excited at the prospect of finding parking close to the door, only to forget where we parked when leaving 10 hours later.  I watch the machine record a 'Brady' and know that I have been here too long when I argue to the head nurse that it was not a true Brady, that it was in fact caused by Luka's impending bowel movement.  I have sat here nursing, pumping, and generally flashed about half of Darwin, and don't even care anymore - seems my chest no longer belongs to myself.  On top of that,  I seemed to have acquired what is known as 'nipple trauma' to my right side due to Luka's early interest in breastfeeding.  Turns out the tiny size of his under-sized mouth and therefore inability to 'latch well' is likely to have inadvertently caused this - but as is my nature, we powered through.

Sleep tight little man, grow big and strong!

And then, I look down at little Luka cradling my finger in his tiny hand as he sleeps off his latest feed ... so peaceful and precious, and I realize - I would sit here for 33 more days, or 333 if that is what it takes...

Happy Easter everyone!

Luka passes his hearing test

Neborn Hearing Screen test kit on wheels

As part of routine screenings for babies born in Australian hospitals, Luka had his hearing screened by a technician here in the special care nursery.  The screen involves a pretty 'spacey'-looking headset that plays a set of 15,000 'clicks' in both ears.  Small electrodes are attached to the forehead and the back of the neck to read the brainwaves as he processes the clicks.  A progress bar for each ear shows the brain activity. In order to pass, the bars for each of the ears have to be completely filled before he runs out of clicks.  What made the event rather special for everyone is that Luka's profoundly deaf grandmother, or Ouma, was here to hold him during the procedure.

Luka having his hearing screened while being held
by his deaf Ouma Estelle

Susan's mother, Estelle, was born profoundly deaf in Pretoria, South Africa, the youngest of four siblings.  Her deafness however was not discovered until the age of four and a half, at which time she had already taught herself how to lipread to understand her family.  By the age of six she received her first hearing aid and recalls the fright of her life when she heard an airplane overhead for the first time.  Today, she is an accomplished professional academic researcher with a PhD in Information Sciences.  She speaks four languages (Afrikaans, English, French and German), managed her own aerobics exercise club for 20+ years, and recently founded and presently chairs the largest chapter of the Ret Hat Society in South Africa. Today Estelle is a frequent speaker at events, is often featured in publications including national magazines and recently on a national talk show program on television.  She was selected for the South African national field hockey team in the 1970s, but was unable to accept as she moved to the US with Susan's dad to pursue his Masters in Engineering in Seattle. She is an avid player of the organ, has a larger music collection on her iPod than Susan, and loves painting and drawing South African wildlife.

Needless to say...if there was something wrong with Luka's hearing, we were not concerned that it would 'hold him back'.  We are happy to report however that despite a first 'inconclusive,' he passed the second round with flying colors.  Next up, eye exam...no accomplished blind family members to report on that we know of...though Chris did have a blind dog that was quite cool. 

How not to pack for your maternity leave

Ready for 'Mission pack-out' at Darwin airport

It probably goes without saying that our rather hasty departure from Dili meant a somewhat less-than-stellar pack-out.  This meant Chris won himself a trip back to Dili recently to make sure that we did in fact close off the house, pack away our clothes (to avoid mold taking over in the humidity), and of course to visit the cat.  As we are packing out for several months for a maternity leave that will span two continents in opposite seasons, including a somewhat formal graduation ceremony and accompanying social events in the UK in July, it was necessary to coordinate closely during the process.  We highly recommend you not try to pack for your maternity leave while on separate continents, planning for your leave that will occur on two additional continents.

Armed with a detailed list with room-by-room instructions of what needed to be packed, stored or donated, Chris set off on his second pack-out mission in less than six months.  (He did suggest to me this afternoon that we are in fact even now, since I packed us out of Baghdad and Kabul, but that he has now done so out of Boston and Dili).  I spent two looong days at the hospital (12+ hours) in serious breastfeeding training sessions, while trying to coordinate with Chris in Dili on the details of which items were to be packed or otherwise dealt with.  In the meantime, Chris had to essentially pack up our whole house to prepare for temporary Asia Foundation staff that will be filling in for Susan during her leave, and of course - entertain the cat who was seriously attention-deprived.

Matters were severely challenged by an untimely communications melt-down as we quickly learned that mobile phone calls between Darwin and Dili were prohibitively expensive, followed my internet credit running out on my 3G, which, thanks to the Easter holidays, I could not replenish!  So our only option was for me to rush home between breastfeeding sessions to connect via the slow connection at our rental house, to the even slower connection in Dili, which meant no voice communications, and Chris having to type descriptions of everything he thought I might want to pack "the blue dress with the grey trim?" "which red ring, you have three!"

Chris says his first 'goodbye' to Luka the morning before
departing for Dili

Happy to report that it was mission accomplished, as Chris packed up our house into storage boxes, stored bikes, washed linens, picked dresses and breastfeed-friendly-looking tops, collected a plethora of chargers and other gadgets we would obviously need during our leave - and still fit in a few social visits to update our fellow pregnant Dili-ites on exactly how important it is to check your health insurance and remain flexible with whatever you thought your plans were.

Luka and I were thrilled to have him back, and presented him with a whole additional 65grams we had been working on while he was away.

Note: We would like to thank Chris' colleague Heidi for bringing 12kg of our academic books, and everyone else for carrying documents and other belongings back and forth between Dili and Darwin, can't thank you enough.

PS: We will likely have to send a small bag of 'unnecessaries' back to Dili, so please do contact us if you are traveling back there in the next two weeks or so.  

Citizen Luka!

Luka's First Passport

Ten out of ten to the South African High Commission in Canberra!  They approved, processed, and shipped Luka's temporary South African Passport in 3 working days!  Now we know that we can get Luka home to South Africa at least.  Next step, US Consulate in Cape Town for his US passport without which I will miss my Oxford graduation in July - time to call in some favors me thinks.

Our adorable passport photo!

Tiny Perfection

One of my favorite things is to kiss the bottoms of
Luka's feet - to imagine they have never 'stepped foot' on a
floor, or had a stubbed toe...

Despite having gained almost 1/3 of his body weight from the time he dropped to 1.5kg, it is still remarkable how delicate Luka's little features are, yet how perfectly complete he is.  One cannot imagine that he can have tiny toenails, eye lashes, and lines on his hands...I am constantly amazed at the perfection of this creation.

Hold my hand, it is going to be an interesting ride...

Luka turns 4 Weeks!

In keeping with the tradition of celebrating each small milestone Luka achieve, (and to some small degree to keep up the nurse bribery scheme we have going) we baked a 4-week birthday cake for our boy.  It is hard to believe that we have been 'parents' for four weeks, albeit in a completely controlled environment that sees us leave the old hospital building empty-handed at the end of every long day.  We are nonetheless aware that this little person is from here on out, completely dependent on us, and we hope that we can live up to his expectations and needs.

Happy birthday little man!  Mommy promises to stop the 'Disco' themed cakes as soon as I run out of blue and green sprinkles!

19 April 2011 - Luka celebrates 4 weeks in style with his daddy
and his Ouma 

For the event, we chose a deliciously moist and easy to make Carrot Cake. Despite the recipe calling for a 'sheet cake' the lack of a 9x13 inch baking dish made us revert to our round cake pan (yes we bought a cake pan).  Our schizophrenic oven meant we baked it for about 1.5 hours instead of the 40 minutes in the recipe... so all the power to you to figure out the right baking time. 

Simply Luka

Perfection in a tiny package (with new cheeks!)

Luka Prospective Careers #1

As we continue to watch Luka grow, the world remains his oyster. Perhaps out of the countless hours spent at the hospital, or the lack of good coffee, we often find our minds wander as we ponder whether he will become a professional rugby player, musician, world traveler or one of a plethora of other career opportunities that await him.  One thing is for sure however, he is showing an early penchant for the Marx-family tradition of civil engineering - specifically taking after his Oupa Marx' specialty of waste management...

One of our new favorite tricks - we present to you,
the 'Poop Explosion' (careful: do not try this at home)

A very special gift

Once in every while you receive a special gift that touches the heart.  I received such a gift that made me realize, perhaps for one of the rare times in the past four weeks, that I now share my life with two amazing men.  My mother gave me a beautiful silver 'locket' necklace, and inside, she had painstakingly printed, cut, and mounted a photograph each of my two boys.  It is simply beautiful and incredibly memorable and meaningful to someone as sentimental as me...and honestly made me realize just how blessed I am to share my life with two amazing men.  I hope Chris will teach our son the beauty and importance of loving a woman the way he has loved me, he will be a better man for having learned that from his father...

Dankie mamma!

Luka and the Locket 

Day 27 of Loving Luka like crazy...

In recounting so many of our experience of the past four weeks with my mom over dinner tonight, including the fear and angst that gripped us the night of the 21st of March as we hoped to postpone the delivery of the as-yet unnamed, unknown being in my belly, we slowly realize just what a roller coaster this has been.  We remember one of the paediatricians saying something about having to spend at least six weeks in the hospital if we delivered now until our baby is 'term' and the two of us thinking, how can we do that, I mean six weeks in a hotel in Darwin, what?  And here we are, four weeks later living in a house not much different than our own, having purchased a number of kitchen toys it lacked, baking, cooking and trying to be normal.

Enjoying a much-deserved nap after a marathon
breastfeeding session - Day 27, 18 April 2011

Of course, the single most amazing thing is the incredible progress, heart, spirit and determination that our little man Luka has shown throughout.  As of today, he is showing us a new side of his personality every single day, and sometimes it feels like every moment.  At a mere 34-weeks gestation, he now weighs in at 2,195g and is 46cm in length - that is up nearly 400g and 6cm since birth.  It seems as if he has grown cheeks literally overnight, and now even has eye lashes (though we joke that his missing eyebrows can still be find on his back, as he is still covered by a layer of fine Laguno) and perhaps most fun for us, he has much more energy with longer periods of wakeful playfulness and general cuteness.  He continues to be a most excellent breast-feeder-in-training, and is already flirting with all the cute nurses.

More napping...like his father
Luka believes this is not something
you could ever have too much of.

He is currently on 55ml 'cavage' (tube) feedings every four hours, though we do a bit of breastfeeding training before each one that he is awake and strong enough - and when he wants to, he knows exactly what he is doing.  He is also showing a bit of both of his parents' personalities, with the quite calm of his father, interspersed with the feisty determination of his mother (mostly when one of us does something stupid that annoys him).  In general he is a happy, content and lovable little baby who never cries (again, unless one of his incompetent parents does something truly idiotic like get his head stuck in a t-shirt, or accidentally lets his arms flail out too much).  Overall, he is showing tremendous patience and tolerance for our clumsiness.

As for us, we are truly enjoying the time with my mother here (and yes, apologies for the lack of blog posts, it is remarkable how little you can get done in the day when you are either trying to feed a baby or succeeding to feed a pump every 2-4 hours).

Mail!

From the mailbag: special thanks go to the Bratchers for a package containing treats from TJs, including Susan's favorite vitamins, as well as clothes (including his first rugby outfit, a onesie from Chris' old team, the Santa Monica Dolphins!); thanks to mom and dad for all the lovely clothes for Luka; thanks to auntie Marie for the clothes for Luka and Susan; thanks also to Estelle's friends from the Red Hat Society in Pretoria for the lovely hand-crocheted clothing; Susan's tannie Dollie; tannie Daleen; tannie Elize, and everyone else for the thoughtful gifts, clothing and thoughts.  

Enough preemie clothes for a
battalion of tiny prems.

Thanks to all the thoughtful gifts, Luka now owns one of each of the available 0000 and 00000 clothes on four continents.

Luka and the lawmaker

"Put your hands in the air, and step away from the crib!"
Luka and Constable Robyn 

Well, it was only a matter of time that our son should meet his first police officer - we just didn't think it would happen at the ripe age of 34-weeks gestation.  Seems the only way to get his passport photos and other documentation required for his South African passport application verified, was to have an 'Officer of the Police' verify that they actually witnessed him, in person.  As such, our visit to the police station was futile, but this being Australia, the friendly cop was very happy to put us in touch with the senior constable at the hospital.

Perhaps I should back up a little and just expand slightly on the diplomatic hoops we will have to jump through just to get our boy home to Cape Town...

First of all, by way of his parents' citizenship, Luka is eligible to apply for both South African and US citizenship, but to the detriment of his Aussie fans, he does not qualify for an Australian passport - which also means he will not be rooting for the Wallabies in the Tri-Nations.  Having experience with applying for US passports abroad (we both received our Diplomatic passports in Iraq in a week, and tourist passports in two weeks) we figured, ah - US it is.  Unfortunately, his application must be preceded by a 'Foreign Birth Registration' that requires all three of us to appear, in person, at the US Consulate, which for our convenience while here in Darwin, is located in Melbourne (for those of you not familiar with the geography of Australia - this translates to a mere 3,140km southeast of our current location).  After the appearance, the process takes 4-6 weeks to process, which means since we cannot even get the process started until he is released (estimated at another 3-4 weeks), plus the 4-6 weeks processing time, and we could be celebrating 4th of July with a nice BBQ at the US Consulate in Melbourne.

Enter Plan B.  South African passport.  While a permanent passport will take much longer than the US one (surprise surprise) the South African 'Foreign Birth Registration' does not require us to appear in person, so we could get the process started by post.  Susan recalled getting a temporary passport to travel to Namibia just before her 15th birthday, which Chris confirmed on the website could be done in 10 days - so that was our chance.  Unfortunately they also require loads of documentation that we do not ordinarily travel with - let alone grab in a mad rush while trying to avoid delivering our first-born in a country with one of the highest infant and maternal mortality rates in the world, as we acquire emergency visas, have steroids administered, purchase tickets for, and catch an international flight, all in two short hours before the last flight out departs!  Some of the information required pertains to Susan's dual citizenship status, which she was fortunately able to get from the South African Consulate in Los Angeles in record time.  Some of the documentation, we simply cannot access now including her original US Certificate of Citizenship which she obtained 2 days before deploying to Iraq in 2006 with the US Agency for International Development, and which could be in a safe in New Haven CT (for our brief stint there while Chris was attending Yale), or Cape Town (via a shipment from Boston), or Dili (via a shipment from Afghanistan) - who knows!?

With much effort however, and in part thanks to the printer/scanner/copier combo we bought right after our assembly of flours and sea salt, Chris managed to painstakingly assemble 99% of the documentation, including - get this - obtain an actual, original birth certificate for Luka in ...drumroll....two days (only in Australia is this possible)!  All we needed now were a stack of passport photos...

Susan tried her best to photograph Luka in his crib, and to be blunt - failed miserably.  She was just about to give up when one of the nurses informed her that she had contacted the hospital's 'clinical photographer' (whatever that means) on our behalf and that she would come up tomorrow to photograph Luka. Susan was so stunned she did not know what to say - but sure enough, next day a lovely lady named Kara came upstairs, climbed onto a chair, and with the assistance of a nurse we managed to get some recognizable shots of Luka with his eyes open (not a fan of the flash).  All we needed now was for someone to verify that this was our baby, and that the baby that we claimed was ours, was also the baby in the passport photo.

Enter the hospital constable, Robyn - a very likable chap who informed us that his only son was also born prematurely and that he is now a full-sized ten-year old.  He witnessed Luka, then certified the whole stack of documents, photocopies of passports, and of course the passport photos.

With the 3 inch application documentation, including two self-addressed envelopes to our current address in Australia, and one to Pretoria, Chris set off to the post office with high hopes.  Luka's fate is now in the hands of the very friendly SA Consulate staff in Canberra to process, and hopefully grant him a temporary passport so that we can finally get our boy home as soon as he is discharged from hospital!

Note to our Readers:  If you know anyone in the South African High Commission in Canberra - now is your chance to become (in)famous on the Loving Luka blog by calling in a favor - I am sure I can bake some koeksisters or vetkoek to send down there!