Leaving the Special Care Nursery

Leaving our corner spot in the Special Care Nursery
on Day 37

One of the Paediatricians shows Susan what to listen for
during the examination to determine if Luka is strong
enough to leave the nursery

As with so many steps along the way, it is really hard to explain the feeling when you are about to leave the Special Care Nursery, with your baby, for the first time.  Although we only migrated across the hallway to the Maternity Ward (known here simply as "6A") the psychology of packing up the stacks of preemie books, granola bars, tiny nappies, water bottles, gift teddies, deflated balloons still pasted to the wall, is once again - indescribable.  An odd mix of emotions run over you yet again.  "Are we ready?", "what if he doesn't eat well tonight and they bring him back here", "why is this taking so long?", "why isn't anybody saying 'goodbye' to us?"...to the empathy that washes over you as you bid your neighboring mom and her battling little breastfeeder farewell.

Wrapped in blankets in the freezing ward room, Susan and
Luka are at it to ensure sufficient progress 

The reality is that this day sneaks up on you almost as much as the birth does.  Just when you have the system all figured out, and you reach the point where you think you cannot stare out the same window at the same patch of the same town any longer - you are ushered one step closer to the door.  And so it was that at 13:30 on April 28, 2011 - Chris, Luka and I loaded up his cot and departed the Special Care Nursery for our overnight test known as 'rooming in'.  Essentially a controlled independence (to quote Stacy again) to ensure that mom can read the preemie's cues for feeding times, and that the baby is strong enough to take his feeds from the breast instead of the tube.  A required weigh-in will determine whether the preemie has gained (or not lost) sufficient weight to proceed with the experiment, or if he is not yet ready.

Bacon and banana pizza with good mozzarella....aaaah

As for our first rooming-in night, what a relief not to have to leave him behind.  Those of you who know me well know that I have a certain aversion for going to the doctor, and in particular for hospitals - I assure you, I have never been as thrilled to book myself in to hospital as last night, and promptly asked the nurse in the nursery where I would get another bracelet! (I did).  Chris moved us over here, then ran to the mall for some sushi for lunch.  Here we spent the afternoon cuddling, reading and blogging.  Chris returned later with home-made pizza and sparkling water (though I am sure the stewed meat-surprise with green jelly and custard pudding and a side of sliced white Wonderbread and margarine was delightful).

Way past the 8pm cut-off for visitors, Chris quietly changed Luka's nappy, and then dressed him as warm as possible to protect him from the frigid temperature in this room.  I changed into what little warm clothes Chris managed to scavenge for me at home.  We said our nightly prayer for Luka, and then poor Chris had to leave both of us behind.  It was really quite emotional as he said this was the second hardest night to have to leave the hospital.

Left behind, but right next to Luka for the first
night together

I admit that I was a little nervous, knowing that Luka had to prove himself overnight that he can feed on his own.  Considering he hadn't been feeding that well during the day what with the brain and eye examinations...I was a bit concerned.  Add to that the normal motherly fear of not 'hearing the baby' wake or heaven forbid stop breathing...it made me wonder, how did my profoundly deaf mother survive those long nights waiting outside my bedroom door, constantly checking with her hand over my mouth to ensure that I was still breathing.

Well, it is 07:30 now, we made it through the night with four good feeds in the last twelve hours. Chris is on the way over to the hospital now (hopefully with emergency coffee!) then we plan on weighing him together at the nursery...I guess the proof will be in the pudding when we put the little chubber on the scale.

Fingers crossed.